


Passion and Pain (Taste The Same When I'm Weak)

by Selina_2000



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Bruises, Cock & Ball Torture, Cock Bondage, Communication, Creampie, Crying, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, F/M, Face-Sitting, Femdom, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Impact Play, Knife Play, Lack of Communication, Oral Sex, Orgasm Control, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Reluctant Sadist, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Self-Indulgent, Smut, Teasing, Verbal Humiliation, Whipping, dom!reader, sub!Jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:01:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25600012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selina_2000/pseuds/Selina_2000
Summary: Jason gets home after a long night as Red Hood and reader helps him deal with his pain.
Relationships: Jason Todd/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	Passion and Pain (Taste The Same When I'm Weak)

**Author's Note:**

> Self indulgent smut. Heavy angst, so be warned. 
> 
> Couldn't have been done without the help of the amazing @breaththenight  
> Catch me on tumblr at: https://dcnatural.tumblr.com/

You hated to see him like this. When the spark in his eyes faded away, his smile diminished and his usual rage gave place to numbness. His sadness made you feel like shit. Wasn’t your job, as his girlfriend, to keep him happy? To ensure that the darkness that clouded his mind stayed buried? It made you want to hug him until all his worries went away. But you knew that that was far from what he wanted, from what he needed.

You laid in bed reading when he arrived, the light of the hallway flooding the moonlit room as he entered the bedroom. His red helmet had already been discarded in the entrance, revealing the messy hair and bruises on his face. You had an urge to wipe clean the blood staining his pale skin, but you felt that it wasn’t the day for that. Everything, from his posture to the look in his eyes, told you that he didn't want you to be the worried girlfriend. He wanted you to be someone else, someone that for a brief moment could help him escape the turmoil inside his mind. He closed the door and the darkness embraced you once more.

You closed your novel, placing it in the nightstand. “Wanna talk about it?”, you asked as he took off the layers of kevlar.

“No”, Jason’s answer was blunt and predictable. He never talked about his job. Or his past. Or anything that made him vulnerable.

You sighed and, tossing the sheets aside, crawled to the edge of the bed. His back was turned to you as he removed his pants and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, placing ghostly kisses on his necks, a low groan escaping his lips. Without the help of blankets, your red satin nightgown did little to protect you from the cold air of the night and you shivered.

Twisting in your hold, he turned to face you. Jason placed each of his calloused hand on your cheeks, gently tilting your head up so his eyes could meet yours. His gaze was so intense it seemed to burn you.

His lips trembled as he formed the words. “Can you…”

“Anything for you, my hero”, you said, not wanting to hear to rest of his request. You already knew what it was, there was no need for him to voice his desires. Besides, hearing him begging for it would only make you feel worse.

He chuckled, his voice low and rough. “I’m no hero.”

You smiled in the best way you could. “Yes you are, Jay”, you placed a hand over his heart. “You saved my life. That makes you a hero in my book.”

Jason closed his eyes and kissed your forehead. His hands dropped from your face to hold you by your waist. He lifted you up, giving a half spin before lowering you back to the floor. You raised your eyebrows in a silent question and he nodded twice. You closed your eyes, coaxing yourself into your role. When you opened then, the room seemed difference: there was a unquestionable difference in the atmosphere, or at least in your perception of it. 

You placed your hands on his well sculpted chest and pressed your body against his, the bulge in his briefs hard against your lower belly. A smirk formed in your lips as you palmed his member over the cotton fabric of his underwear. “Eager, aren’t you?”, you teased, giving a light squeeze.

He hummed, his hips bucking forward in search of more friction.

Your eyes narrowed in disapproval and you grabbed his chin with one hand, slapping him with the other. He barely winced at the blow, your strength was nothing compared to that of the villains he fought everyday. Even if you had intended to hurt him, you knew that the most you could inflict upon him was a sharp sting of pain. But even with this knowledge, you still held back, no matter how many times he had told you to hit him harder. 

“You don’t get to move until I say so”, you hissed, letting go of your hold on him. He opened his mouth to apologize, but you cut him shut with a shush. Raising a finger to his lips, you leaned in, whispering in his ear. “You also don’t get to talk.”

He whined, seemingly in protest, but you ignored it. Giving two steps backwards, you analyzed the man before you, your brow furrowing in concentration as you considered what to do with him.

You began to circle him slowly, like a predator surveying its prey. You trailing your nails down his back, watching as the red marks formed. He shivered as you pressed deeper, the soft tissue denting beneath your touch. Returning to his front, you pinched and twisted his nipples, earning another lewd sound from him.

Your hands then dropped to his waist and, hooking your fingers in the elastic band of his underwear, you pulled down the piece of clothing, freeing his erection. Instead of giving him the touch he desired, you played with his pubes, tugging at the strings of hair. His cock throbbed, begging for the attention you refused to give.

Laying your palm flat against his chest, you pushed him against the mattress, his body bouncing once before he settled in the far end of the bed.

“Stay”, you commanded. You walked over to the drawer and pulled out a few pieces of rope in different lengths and thickness. All the while, you could feel his burning gaze on you.

Climbing back onto the bed, you took hold of his wrists, guiding them over his head and binding them to the bed frame. The knot was a loose one, just tight enough for him not to be able to escape. The ropes dug into his skin as he tested the restraints, trying to wiggle himself free. He stilled and then nodded, letting you know you had done a good job with the knots. Of course they wouldn’t hold him in case he actually wanted to escape, but as it was, they were perfectly able to do their job.

Once you knew that he was secured in place, you straddled his waist. You felt his muscles contracting as he came to the realization you weren’t wearing any underwear, your wet core rubbing directly against his skin. You smiled and leaned down to kiss him, taking his upper lip between your teeth and biting it playfully. You placed kisses along his jawline and sucked marks on his neck, all the while you grinded against his torso.

“So… what do you want me to do?”, you asked, nibbling at his left earlobe.

He smirked. “Whatever _you_ want to.”

Your lips pursed into a thin line. This was never about what you wanted and he knew that. If it had been, the two of you would be making love, gently and delicately. He was the one who craved the pain, you just played along.

He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. "The whip", he muttered in a raspy voice.

You nodded, climbing out of him to reach the nightstand drawer, where most toys were stored. 

The handle felt familiar in your hand, the coldness and roughness of the leather welcoming you like an old friend. It had molded into a perfect fit for your palm, wear marks in the shape of your fingers having formed from the many nights in which you held the instrument. Shame crept into your cheeks as you realized how well you knew that whip. _Almost an extension of my body,_ you thought.

He flipped onto his stomach, twisting the ropes securing his wrists in place and exposing his back to you. You walked over to the edge of the bed and, without warning, flicked your wrist, bringing down the whip. Jason flinched when the whip made contact with his shoulder blades. You repeated the movement, lashing his skin once more. As you kept on, red marks began to form, mingling with the pre-existing scars and bruises that, unlike the welts you made, wouldn’t fade away in a few days. 

There was something oddly soothing about the rhythmicality of the task. The only sounds were that of the leather snapping against flesh, and an occasional whimper from Jason. His body trembled and a layer of sweat covered his back. You couldn’t understand how he could endure this suffering. How he could revel in it.

You had once asked him to invert the roles, for him to dominate you. You wanted to try to understand what he felt, maybe if you could see the appeal you would feel less guilty for indulging in his desires. He had refused, saying that he didn’t want to hurt you. _I don’t want to hurt you either,_ you had screamed. He replied saying that you couldn’t hurt what was already broken. That sentence carved itself into your mind, not only the words, but the sadness they carried. Since then, you did as he asked, you could deal with your shame if it meant that you could offer him some relief, even if it was just momentary. 

You stopped after fifty lashes, certain that any more would draw blood. Your arm ached from the repetitive movement; unlike your boyfriend, you weren’t used to physical exercise. You ran your nails along the fresh markings, feeling the warmth of his skin. You nudged him gently, flipping him onto his back once more. He let out a hiss as his injured back made contact with the mattress. 

You climbed back on top of him, sitting on his midriff, and brought your head to his for another kiss, his lips parting to welcome you. You ran your tongue over his, delving deep into his mouth. No matter how many times you kissed him, you always felt the need to explore it all, to memorize every inch of him. You never knew when a kiss would be your last. 

You considered waiting for further instructions, but the blissful haze that covered his eyes was beginning to fade away, the physical pain being forgotten to give place for his emotional struggles. Without thinking, you reached for the nightstand once more, this time taking a small blade, that you kept to protect yourself in case of intruders. The metal reflected the moonlight, and you could have sworn you saw a glint of anticipation in Jason’s eyes. Your hands quivered as you raised the dagger, bringing it down in a swift motion. A shearing noise filled the room as the fabric of the pillows parted under the sharp edge of the knife. You couldn't help but giggle at the disbelieved expression that took over his face.

“Is it okay?”, you asked, pulling the dagger from where you had carved it, inches away from where Jason’s neck rested.

He nodded. “It’s freaking _hot_. Just try not destroying the bedding.”

Thin red lines formed at the wake of your knife. With your free hand, you reached behind you, tracing a finger along the underside of his dick, moving from base to head and causing him to leak pre-cum. He moaned in response of your touch, using all of his self control to stay still, not wanting to displease you by moving when you had told him not to.

“You like this, don’t you? The danger. The excitement”, you whispered, dragging your lips along his jaw as you spoke. “I could kill you right now, but instead, I’m jerking you off”, you emphasized the last past by closing your fingers around his shaft and moving your fist up and down. It only took a few pumps for his control to loosen, and despite his best efforts, his hips jerked forward is search of your touch. 

You growled and pressed the blade into the skin of his neck, watching the smooth column of his throat bob. “What did I tell you?” A feral smile contorced your features.

“That I shouldn’t move unless you ordered me to”, he quoted, obediently.

“And yet, you moved.”

“I’m sorry, Mistress.” You flinched at the title, the word still making you slightly uncomfortable no matter how many times he called you that. It was meant to be flattering and empowering, but for you it just felt awkward. 

“Sorry doesn’t fix anything”, you spatted. You threw the knife to the floor in a sudden move, knowing that you wouldn’t be using it for what came next. You let go of his cock, wiping your palm in the sheets to clean the sticky pre-cum that had dribbled over it. “Enough about you. It’s time to take care of my needs.”

All that foreplay had left you quite aroused and your clit begged to be touched. You scooted up until your pussy was right above his mouth and your legs were on each side of his head, trapping him underneath you.

“Go on, eat me out”, you told him. “And you better not cum. Or there will be consequences, understand?”

He hummed and his tongue slipped past his swollen lips, aching to taste you. You settled yourself, one hand firmly holding to the headboard and the other gripping his hair intensely. His nose poked against the skin of your groin, the hot air from his erratic breathing giving you a tickling feeling. 

You panted as his tongue flicked against your sensitive clit. He always knew just how to make you come undone. He sucked your nub gently, causing you to shiver in pleasure. After a while, he changed tactics, tongue moving to probe at your entrance. Your moans echoed through the room as he pushed deeper and deeper inside you. You ran your fingers along his scalp, brushing the mark made all those years ago with a crowbar. He whimpered at the touch and you dug your nails into the scarred tissue. Your action had the desired effect and he groaned loudly, the sound reverberating through your body. Your walls clenched around his tongue and you knew you would be cumming soon.

Your back arched, pressing your pussy tighter to his face. He devoured you like a starving man, eager to satisfy you. The pressure was building on your core, your chest beating faster. You screamed as he brought you on edge. Your body trembled and you felt lightheaded. It was too much and it wasn’t enough. You tumbled forward, your shaky arms not being able to support your own weight. 

Underneath you, Jason squirmed as he fought for air, and you sheepishly moved off him, slumping to the side. 

“Sorry”, you muttered, still trying to catch your breath. He dismissed your worries with a wave of his head. 

You were considering untying him so the two of you could go to sleep when your gaze fell to his stomach. Creamy white jizz covered his belly, his half hard cock dangling between his legs.

“You came”, you exclaimed, mildly annoyed that he had broken your rules twice in the same night. 

“I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry, Mistress.”

“Oh, you aren’t sorry yet.” You flashed him a devilish grin. “But you will be.”

“Am I going to be punished, Mistress?”, he inquired, teasing you. He wanted to drive you mad so you would do what he wanted. 

But it wasn’t from your supposed anger at his disobedience that you acted, it was from your desire to fill his needs, no matter what those were. If he wanted to be punished, you would do just that. _Although, it’s not really a punishment if he asks for it, is it?_ , you thought.

“Yes, that’s what happens to disobedient boys”, you said sharply, slapping his face with the back of your hand. “Now, shut the fuck up and let me work.”

You got up and picked a few things from the drawer: paracord, safety shears and a small crop. Folding the cord in half, you make a quick cow’s hitch and arranged the loop at the base of Jason’s cock, making sure to go behind the scrotum. With a pull, you tightened the knot, creating a makeshift cock ring. Your touch was making him go fully hard again, and you giggled to yourself, amazed on how easy it was to turn him on. You proceeded to wrap the rope above both testicles, further separating them from the body. Then, you used the remaining length of the cord to isolate each testicle, looping the rope many times so you wouldn’t have to bother tying it off.

You stroke his length until he was fully erect once more, eliciting whimpers from Jason. You brought your lips to the head, sucking gentilly, the taste of his pre-cum filling your mouth. One of your hands played with his tied balls, the slightest touch making him shiver. Your lips slid over him slowly, and you kept going until you felt the head of his cock hitting the back of your throat. You inhaled his musky essence, your nose buried in the thatch of curls at the base of his cock. He struggled to keep still as you began to bob your head up and down. Your teeth scraped the sensitive skin as you moved, making Jason scream your name.

He whined when you pulled away, lamenting the sudden loss of your lips wrapped around him, even as you replaced them with your hand. You chuckled at his desperation and placed kisses along his dick until you reached his balls. You sucked the first one into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks around it. The taste of sweat filled your tongue as you licked every bit of skin you could reach. His cock twitched in your hand and you knew he was close to cumming again. You moved to pay attention to the other testicle, giving it the same treatment as the first. Then, as a spurt of cum landed on your fist, you completely removed yourself from him.

Sitting on your knees, you laughed loudly as he whimpered. Your eyes twinkled mischievously in the moonlight as you took the crop from the mattress, playing with the flexible end.

“What's wrong, darling??”, you asked, pouting your lips in mockery. “Did you think I would actually let you cum? After you disobeying explicit orders? I don't know, you've been a naughty boy tonight.”

“Please,” he purred.

“' _Please_ _'_ what?”, your harsh voice echoed in the room.

“Please, Mistress, please, make me cum.”

“I don’t think so”, you replied, watching delightedly as a wave of exasperation crossed his face. He had finally noticed what you had been fondling with. “Do you like it, slave?”

He swallowed hard. “Yes, Mistress.”

“Do you want me to use it?”

“Yes”, he said, and then quickly corrected himself. “Please, Mistress. Please spank me.”

You grinned in response and pressed his cock against his stomach, ensuring it would stay out of the way, as you brought down the crop with the other hand. A loud smack resonated in the room when the leather made contact with his testicles. You didn’t hesitate before doing it again, each time using a bit more of strength as you felt his cock shudder in reaction. Your eyes quickly darted to the clock by the nightstand, checking for how long he had been tied up, before deciding that a few more minutes would be fine. His cock throbbed in your hand aching for release. 

“Pathetic. Even as I hit you over and over you are still moaning like a bitch.”

Jason grunted something in response, his voice muffled by the pillows in which he had buried his face.

“What did you say?”, you inquired, crawling to his side and pulling his head up. He tried to escape your grip, but you had your fingers tangled in his hair and didn’t let him look away. A quick glance and you understood why he was trying to hide: he had been crying. His eyes were welled up with tears, the water reflecting the light.

You gasped in shock, cursing yourself for not having noticed it before. Had he asked you to stop? You brought a hand to his cheek, to brush away the glistening tears, but he winced away. In your surprise, you had loosened your grip, allowing him to turn his face to the other side.

“Are you okay?”, you asked. His chest rose and fell as he sobbed and you felt a sharp pang of guilt in your heart. “Was it too much?”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” His voice sounded so broken that you almost started crying yourself. 

“Talk to me”, you insisted. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jay.”

“You didn’t. I mean, you did, but in a good way”, he sighed and turned to look at you again. “I’m okay, I promise. You can continue.”

“Jay”, the plea escaped your lips, reluctant as you always were. But his tearful eyes begged you in a way you couldn’t say no to. You loved him and if pain was the only way through which he could understand that, so be it.

"It's okay, go on", his tone was pressing and you relented. 

His shireks were heartbreaking, but you kept on until the abused skin was burning red and the cock in your hand felt like it was about to explode. You were filled with pride at the sight of him so helpless in front of you. He looked glorious: his face was flushed by a mixture of desire and pain, sweat dripped down his whole body and his lips were swollen from having them bitten it so hard. You couldn’t look away.

Then, another warm feeling took over. Not pride, but shame. Once more you were enjoying it too much. _No,_ you reassured yourself, _this is not what I want. I love him. I would never hurt him. He is the one who likes it rough._ Even as you repeated that in your mind, you knew it was lie. You were having fun. 

Disgusted at yourself, you tossed the crop to the floor and started to unwrap the paracord. Once his genitals were free, you moved to free his wrists, ignoring his protests.

“You can continue, Camila. I told you I was okay”, he said once more as he tried to difficultate your process of untying him. 

“Well, I’m not!”, you replied, the words leaving your mouth before you could stop yourself.

He went still, allowing you undo the last knot. The rope slithered between the wall and bed frame, disappearing from view.

“What?” Jason sat up, propping his back against the headboard and hissed as the still fresh injuries touched the wood. That small sound was enough to bring new tears to your eyes and you couldn’t hold back anymore. 

He pulled you onto his lap and you relaxed into him, nestling your head on the crook of his neck. He held you close as you cried. You tried to stop yourself, he should be the one crying, not you.

“I’m sorry”, you managed to mumble between sobs.

“Sorry for what?”

“For stopping. For crying. For not being good enough”, you whispered in return.

“Hey”, he took your head between his hands and tilted your chin so he could look into your eyes. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. Camila… you are more than enough.” He touched his forehead to yours. “You are way to good for me.”

“No, I’m not. I’m messed up, Jay. I was hurting you and--”, the words got caught up in throat, it felt too heavy to admit it out loud. “- and I was enjoying it.”

He chuckled. “Camila… there’s nothing wrong with you. I know you would never do anything I didn’t want. Besides, you are supposed to be enjoying this, otherwise, what’s the point?”

His tone was playful but you only made you feel worse. “The point is helping you. It always was. It’s not meant to be about me.”

He frowned. “Is that how you feel?”

You nodded and a sadness took over his expression. _Fuck_ , you cursed. You weren’t supposed to make him even more worried. You wanted to take back your words, to say that you always loved every bit of it and that you loved that you loved it. He didn’t need to know about your guilty and hesitations. He had his own share of troubles to worry about.

“I-- I never meant to force you--”, he began hesitantly.

“No. You aren’t forcing me into anything”, you quickly said, cutting him short.

“Do you even like it?”

You froze at the question. “I don’t know”, you whispered after a brief moment. “I feel like I shouldn’t, so I told myself I only did it for you. But there are moments, like today, I can’t deny the euphoria it brings me. And then I feel bad for it.” The truth spilled from your mouth before you couldn’t contain it. 

“I wish you said something before.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t want to let you down. You do so much for me, I’ve always thought of this as the one little thing I could give you back.”

“You already give me so much. You give me hope. You remind me of the good things in life. I’m scared to think about who would I be without you”, he confessed.

You smiled and shuffled in his lap, trying to find a more comfortable position as you felt a tingling sensation in your legs. Your ass brushed against his crotch and you felt something hard poking into it.

You yelped in surprise. “Jay… You are still--” 

“I know”, he answered quickly. “But don’t you worry about that right now.” 

“What if I wanted to worry about it?”, you asked teasingly. The tears had stopped falling and you were starting to feel better, less embarrassed by your actions and desires. You felt ready to finish what you had started. At least the most pressing part of it. 

“Well, who am I to say no to that proposal?”

You hummed softly and lifted your weight off him so he could lay back. You leaned down to press your lips into his and he grabbed you by the back of your neck, intensifying the kiss and keeping you close.

You aligned your hips to his and, holding his cock in place, lowered yourself into it. You felt a burning sensation as your muscles stretched to accommodate his considerable size. Even though you had been with him for a long time, your body never got used to it.

You pulled away from the kiss, straightening your back and removing the satin nightgown, now damp by the sweat and tears. Holding onto his shoulders for support, you began to ride him. You rose until only the tip was inside you, and then slammed your hips back into his. His eyes were locked on your boobs, which bounced as you moved up and down. 

Both of you panted heavily, chests rising and falling in synchrony. With every thrust you made sure he pressed against your g-spot and soon you felt you were riding yourself into your high. You arched backwards as a wave of pleasure hit you. Your pussy clenched around his length and your vision became obscured by dark spots as you trembled.

“Cum for me, Jay”, the command was soft but still carried certainty.

As if he was only waiting for your permission, his cock throbbed, thick cum filling your pussy as he screamed your name. You kept rocking your hips as he unloaded inside you. Finally, when he had nothing else to give, you rolled off him, laying on the bed by his side. The mixture of fluids oozed out of your pussy and into the sheets and you groaned at the idea of having to get up to clean yourself.

Jason draped an arm around you, pulling you to him. “Don’t worry about it, we can shower in the morning”, he said as if reading your thoughts. 

You smiled and nodded. “I love you, Jay.”

“I love you too”, he whispered in return.

**Author's Note:**

> For the cock bondage bit, I used this video as reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s8GKAzbySQ  
> Leave comments and kudos if you liked.


End file.
